I love to take photos especially landscapes and nature pics. I do not consider myself a photographer because I think you need to know about cameras and composition. I have no knowledge of those, I simply frame and snap what I see. I have opportunity and try to take advantage of that. Photos are easy because if they are bad, you hit delete. Other things are not so easy.
I used to do our own taxes because we were always trying to save money. I was never confident that I was doing the right thing. We had accounting help before and truthfully I was not happy with one of the two people we took them to. It was important to me to have full confidence in that person.
With all that went on this year I took my taxes to a person I know who is a CPA. For the first time in a very long time I did not stress over this job. I realized that I had complete confidence that they were going to be done better than I could possibly do them. I’m really enjoying the stress free part of having someone do my taxes. From now on if I can afford it I will let the experts handle them. In the case of taxes it is not what you know it is what you don’t know that gets you.
It has been that way with grief as well. I thought I was doing pretty ok on my own. I guess it’s a guy thing. A few things have happened in my life and I realize that this might better be handled with the advice of experts. I have joined a couple of groups and I have recently talked to some friends that have also lost their spouse. It’s easy to be wrong, that takes no effort. They are experts for a reason. It isn’t easy, it takes work. Grief is a big ol’ boulder. It doesn’t move with the nudge of a shoulder. Sometimes you have to chip away at the rock, breaking it into pieces you can handle. The tools to break that boulder lie with the experts and friends who know. My friends still have varying sized boulders in their space, but with time and work they get smaller.
I am not now nor have I ever been sorry. People often say I’m sorry for your loss. I don’t dwell on the loss, I revel in the life that was. I politely say thank you realizing they are not experts. There is a boulder in the yard. I’ll chip away at it with help. It will not define me but it will always be there. Hopefully with work and time it will get smaller.
I have a new title and I don’t know the job description. For right now I will do what I have almost always tried to do. I’ll try to do what is right for me and those I love. It may take a while to get through the yard for a while until I chip away at that boulder. If you see me and I’m smiling you will know that I am getting there, chipping away, happy to have lived completely enough to have lost someone I love. I go through this imperfect life as always seeking peace and joy. Humor and perspective are awesome boulder chipping tools.
Love your life, seek peace, seek joy!